1 Thing From Me

This is the second half of a two-part analysis. If you haven’t already, please read last week’s Issue #003.

THE INTRO

Last week I left you with a question: What’s your 1x a week?

More specifically, what group activity or communal gathering do you show up for at least once per week?

Is it a rec sports league? Yoga class? Volunteering? Church? The bar with the fellas?

For all the discourse surrounding the decline of third places, I find it unlikely that most people have even bothered partaking in one themselves.

American culture is obsessed with productivity, efficiency, and the self. Our technology has grown increasingly individualistic and is endlessly entertaining. Throw a global pandemic in the mix, and it's not hard not to see how just hanging around has become a lost art.

The issue doesn't lie with there being no places for us to gather, it lies with a individualistic culture that doesn’t have time for community and leisure.

THE MYTHIC THIRD PLACE

Alain Deschamps, Saint Sicaire A Brantome, 2012

There's home, there's the workplace, and there's the third place. For a lot of Americans, that third place is missing from their lives.

Here are a few reasons I can think of why third places are on the decline:

  • 90% of America was Christian in 1972. Church historically has been the centerpiece of American communities. With the rise of secularism since the turn of the century, the communal aspects of church are less prevalent.

  • The internet and technology have been transforming physical space into cyberspace (think files/papers into data, bookstores into Amazon, theaters into Netflix). Many commercial establishments (especially retail and recreation) have suffered since the great recession and closed up shop. It's more convenient to do stuff online.

  • Most of our urban infrastructure is designed for cars, not people. The suburbs are isolating and not necessarily conducive of community. Even our cities cater more towards people living alone.

Here's the thing— none of this is stopping anyone from hanging out. Sure, there are structural issues limiting options for public places for gathering, but as I said before— the heart of the issue lies with our culture's devaluing of community and leisure.

Right around the corner of my apartment I can always find the same group of old Mexican guys playing card games. A fold-up table, few Tommy Bahama chairs, a loudspeaker, and paper-bagged cervezas. They are posted up on the sidewalk.

How many parks are completely empty on a sunny day? How do people act waiting in line at cafes?

Do we need to go to the mall, why not just order everything online? Ugh I don't want to go to Jessica's thing (sorry Jessica), I already caught up with her last week!

Hanging out is not 'efficient'. It's no longer convenient to even get out of the house. We have technology to provide us with communication, entertainment and 'leisure' from the comfort of our bedrooms.

You want Americans to get out of the house and into in-person gatherings? Give them a better reason to.

But first, a brief intermission.

INTERMISSION

Edward Hopper, Chair Car, 1965

The natural reasons people once got together for in the past have been disrupted. There is a higher individual price to pay in forgoing the comfort and certainty of our home/work lives and screens. If we're hanging out, then we better be doing something worthwhile.

So let's get creative. What do people want out of leisure these days? I can't speak for everybody but I will— people love certainty with a little side of novelty… plus a helping of amusement for good measure.

  • Certainty: people want to feel confident that what they're going to get is good value for their time and/or money.

  • Little side of novelty: people have short attention spans and want things to always feel fresh and nuanced so that they don't get old.

  • Amusement for good measure: people love to be amused since the advent of television.

I’m a firm believer that the media we consume reflects the underlying subconscious of our culture. Look no further than the 2024 box office as the prime example to encapsulate what I've outlined above.

What do movie sequels and pre-existing IP provide? Certainty with a little side of novelty… plus a helping of amusement for good measure.

Now none of this is a science. It's maybe even a little Machiavellian, so I won’t expand on it much more. But there is some truth to it.

They also say to follow the money. If people are willing to spend their time and money on these kinds of movies and entertainment, it's not crazy to assume that those same values transfer to other leisurely domains.

Given the subconscious desire of the masses, where else can you think of these patterns/behaviors/values showing up?

Something worth taking into consideration at the very least.

Now, back to the program.

1X A WEEK

Georges Seurat, A Sunday on La Grande Jatte, 1884

Like church on Sundays, community is built one week at a time. Any more often and it risks redundancy/people canceling, any less and it's hard to make a recurring habit of it. 1x a week.

The goal is connection and community. You can accomplish both in a third space, so long as people keeping showing up. It might not happen right away, but like any habit, you’ll see results in time.

So set aside some time on your schedule and find a time and place. Take the initiative to either join an existing group or bring people together at a regular cadence.

The attributes that make a good third place in my books:

  1. Food, drinks, or an activity (ideally all three)

  2. Physical space designed to be conversational or engaging

  3. Compounding value over a prolonged series of visits

I'll let you think on these three factors and triangulate a place yourself rather than being prescriptive. It's going to vary based on where you live, what your interests are, and who your friends are.

Still stuck? Some ideas to get started:

Low effort

High effort

Inexpensive

Parks, local cafes, nature, dive bars (<= 3 drinks), trivia night, book club, pick-up basketball, movies, hang on the street, etc.

Requires initiative to build relationships and get people to keep showing up. Best done with (interesting) friends and their friends.

Church, volunteering, community initiatives/traditions, etc.

Requires unselfishness and patience to reap the rewards. Best done with existing groups aligned by interest/a common goal.

Expensive

Art/cooking/fitness classes, golf/club memberships, sports leagues, Timeleft dinners, etc.

Requires you pay to play. Best done with existing groups aligned by interest/a common goal.

Host dinners, wine nights, poker night, BBQs, themed parties, ie. the best ways to connect groups.

Requires sacrifice on behalf of certain individuals and is not feasible for everybody. Best done with friends who are bought in and willing to contribute.

THE EXIT

I hope the above Effort-Expense matrix was a helpful framing for figuring out your perfect third place. If you enjoyed today’s post, share it with a friend and tell them you want to hang.

Now get out there into the world 1x a week, you. See you next Friday.

— Kyle

From The Feed

I essentially just did this myself. Oh well.

I’m going to host a second-degree dinner in the near future and report back. Chili’s could be the move.

This.

From The Community

This newsletter isn't just my voice echoing into the void (actually it is)— it's the beginning of a conversation. And like any good conversation at a dimly lit bar, I want to hear your stories.

Share with me:

  • Literally anything

I haven’t heard much from the community in the past two weeks, which is understandable. I’m still new to you guys. Let me up the offer.

Reply to this email with a story and your venmo handle. I will pay you in proportion to the value of your story, and the best ones will be featured anonymously in next week's issue.

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